Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The air taste purple.
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