Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
