You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
