Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
