Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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