My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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