You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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