last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
