I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
