I didn't shave. On purpose
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Who died my cat blue again?
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