Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
