I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
