So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
