WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
