she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
