i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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