the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
