I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
