so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
