you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
