Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
