Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
