Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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