he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Are my feet made of real feet?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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