bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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