I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
