Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
