i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
