Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
