I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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