Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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