stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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