we made out on top of his cat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
