dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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