Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize