Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
