you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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