So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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