I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
