I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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