I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
