you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
