***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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