I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
