i would punch a child for taco bell
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
