I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
