I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
COCAINE IS GR8
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
