just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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