It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
