Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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