Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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