I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
