I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
