Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
