I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
