I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize