when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
