Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
