After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
