I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
