If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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