She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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