can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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