I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
