'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
