you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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