JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize