Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
