She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
