You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize