Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
