i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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