You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
