Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
