I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
