Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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