my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
