just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
